UnCommons:General disclaimer

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Suggested serving. This image has been slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this tag under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; res ipsa loquitur; this product is provided “as is” without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility for personal injury caused by this project; an equal opportunity lender; no shoes, no shirt, no service; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, return to an authorized service centre; operate at your own risk; parental discretion advised, text written by operators of heavy machinery may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable; keep away from sunlight; keep away from OJ; keep away from pets and small children, especially since the brats might flick boogers at you and make you sick; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; Swedish-language instructions included in package; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed and sanitized for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue application; use only with proper hyperventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees centigrade; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking, like seppuku and soduko, could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a firewall; no salt, MSG, artificial colour or flavouring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a physician; Adam is ribbed for your pleasure; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating locations; allow nine months for delivery; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God or Katrina, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, photon torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, bombs filled with guns that shoot guns that shoot knives, etc.); other restrictions may apply. This product is sold as a novelty and is meant for educational purposes only. Please do not feed the grues. By opening this disclaimer, you hereby appoint its author or authors as your soul manager. This text is not to be construed as an offer or solicitation for the sale of reading glasses; please consult your neighbourhood optometrist or opthamological practitioner for medical advice. Any resemblance to real persons, living, dead or in Los Angeles is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating motor vehicles or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Please enter the number, followed by the pound sign. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Not a substitute for professional medical or legal advice. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. The number you have dialed is not available from your calling area. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the Excited States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. Colours may, in time, fade. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients and meat byproducts. We have sent the data that seem to be right for you. This product is not intended for the unauthorised reception of subscription television broadcasts. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the International Red Cross or Red Crescent. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver males without postage. Misinformation was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Dealers may sell for less. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Not for use in medical apparatus or life-support systems without prior authorisation. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher in Denver, Banff and west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dawg. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Pre-recorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited, unless it's not. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call before you dig. Driver does not carry cash. No narcotics are stored in this location. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this web site appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final. This website may expose you to the State of California and to other chemicals known to cause cancer, birth defects, and other reproductive harm. Due to some violent content, parental discretion advised. This product is not a contraceptive, is not a safe alternative to cigarettes and may emit a non-toxic fog.